Mars discordant to Saturn
(power = 9.22 and this aspect is discordant = -16.13)
Yours is a contradictory balancing act between a strong force towards action and cautious reserve. If this placement is expressed negatively, you can be merciless and act without heart. Inside yourself you store every slight that has ever been afflicted upon you. Feeling resentful and angry, you remember each hurt and refuse to bestow forgiveness. You are vengeful, plotting ways to repay those who have hurt you, though you may not actually act upon these musings. This placement will also bestow you with great ambitious and dedication. Challenges will not deter you as you can work very diligently, persevering beyond what most others would be capable of. However, the most common impact of this placement will make you emotionally fickle, going from warm to cool rather suddenly, or it will provide you constant trials so as to assess your character. The general feel of this placement is not necessarily pleasing, though it may bring to you advantageous abilities that allow you to survive extremely difficult situations, and that is worth quite a lot. If you are able to get through the tension that this placement provides, you will find yourself a very strong person indeed.
When you focus diligently towards one aspiration you are able to achieve a great deal. The path can be quite hard on you however, and you will feel as though you are left with the burden of the entire task on your own. You are able to call upon an impressive amount of self-restraint and discipline when needed although you may criticise yourself harshly, feeling that you are never quite good enough and heaven forbid it if you were to make a mistake. At times, the doubt you feel within can damage opportunities for success. If you are involved with a long term endeavour you may find yourself feeling defeated when the project does not advance quickly enough for your liking. When you attempt to assert yourself, you are often met with opposition. This can lead to you feeling as though you are inferior in comparison to others. You must develop a way to channel the inner feelings of aggravation you possess or they will lead to you feeling as though you may burst at any moment. Often when this burst does occur, it is directed at the people you feel most bonded to. Be careful not to generate resentment in your loved ones; they are not a doormat for you to wipe your dirty feet on. It might be best for you to labour alone. This placement is likely to produce many interruptions, postponements, and challenges regarding your plans; be patient.
You must find equilibrium between your wants or wishes, and the responsibilities that you are obliged to. Pursuing your longings is likely to cause others to view you as self-centred, foolish, and undependable. However, if you restrain yourself completely from pursuing your inner wants, you might not be able to keep yourself from ripping at the seams; both areas need to be catered to. Unfortunately, due to this tension, you feel angry and irritated because you believe that your decisions are somehow made for you and you are unable to engage in what is most pleasing for you. These resentments keep building and cause you to emote negatively, often in spite and mockery. It may help you to write down the things that you are obligated to do first and make sure you get them done. Next write down what you would most like to do for pleasure and start on those. This way you have a clearly defined path towards accomplishing both types of endeavours and are not fighting with yourself, causing delay due to frustration by indecision. Highly detail-oriented and organised, you make sure that the work you take on is done right.
In addition to the above, one of the lessons given in the placement is for you to be aware of and appreciate just how beautiful life can really be. Many times you are unable to see the positive things going on around you because you are so bogged down by the difficulties that you face on a regular basis. Life can be cold and harsh at times but, as with everything, there must be balance. Every yin has its yang and the harshness must be tempered by love and beauty, both of which can be found all around you if you only LOOK. You require warmth and care though these things may not be abundant in your life. If you want more love in your life you must be able to express your own feelings to other people, something that can be particularly difficult for you to do. Previous hurts are not easily forgotten by you and you may carry with you a deep emotional wound, creating a detached, reserved demeanour that others may find impenetrable. This sombre attitude can baffle others as they are unable to read you.
As mentioned previously, you have a tendency towards keeping any negative feelings secured within until they reach a boiling point and burst forth. Holding in your anger will only cause you harm, whether this be mentally, emotionally, or physically; you are susceptible to disorders affecting the organs that are responsible for cleaning your system and must be mindful of your kidneys and gallbladder. Furthermore, it would be beneficial for you to monitor your wants as they can become destructive and uncontrollable if left to their own devices. It is also possible that you will find it difficult to complete tasks that you have started as your determination wavers as time carries on. Another influence with this placement is an inclination towards adopting an unsympathetic, cold-hearted, self-centred approach where you will only help others if you are able to benefit from doing so.